Nurse: "Is he from out of state?"
Amanda: "Another planet." ---
Doctor: "Good lord. Not another one."
(Baby with tail) ---
Scully: "So what else about this interests
you? Could it be . . . uhm, visitors from space?" ---
Amanda: "He dropped by my apartment
one day and . . . one thing sorta led to another."
Mulder: "But the baby's father is an alien."
Amanda: "No, no, I didn't say he was an alien. I said he's from another
planet. His name is Luke Skywalker. He's what is known as a jedi knight."
(Mulder looks at Scully) Scully: (Smiling) "Did he have a light sabre?"
Amanda: "No, he didn't bring it. He did sing his song for me though."
(hums the theme to Star Wars)
Scully: "How many times have you seen Star Wars, Amanda?"
Amanda: "368. I should break 400 by Memorial Day."
Scully: (Thinking this a great Mulder jest) " 'Kay. Thank you." (Mulder
Amanda: "Oh, wait a minute. Wait. You know these . . . these four other
babies that were . . . born around here with tails?" Scully: "Uh huh."
Amanda: "There couldn't be any chance . . . Luke's the father, is there?"
Mulder: "Take your best shot, Scully.
But I think there's a lot more going on here than Luke Skywalker and
his light sabre."
Scully: "I think you're right, Mulder." (He's shocked) ---
Mulder: "How would this happen?"
Scully: "Birds and the bees and the monkey babies, Mulder."
Mulder: "Birds do it, bees do it, even educated MDs do it." ---
Mulder: "So much for not putting all
your eggs in one basket." ---
Fred: "Baboo, look, just let me do
the talking, okay? I'll handle it."
Baboo: "Just tell him we're gonna sue."
(To Mulder and Scully who are arriving) Fred: "Ah, you too huh?" ---
Hubby 1: "What the hell happened to
Hubby 2: "Yeah, mine too!"
Hubby 1: "Whose sperm did you use?"
Fred: "It's bad enough having a boy with a tail, then you find out it's
not even yours!" ---
Fred: "For god's sake, Alton, how
many of us are there?" (Regarding Mulder & Scully) ---
Baboo: "I haven't been with a man
since 1989! I mean not counting you, honey." ---
Mulder: "Hey Scully, check it out."
(Pulls down pants of Blundth to reveal old tail mark.)
Baboo: "That's him? He's the one?"
Scully: "Five out of five." ---
Mulder: "Oh, so you're saying there
was romance involved."
Blundth: "Why is that so hard to believe? Just cause I was born with
a tail no woman would want me? Maybe I got personality. Ever think of
Mulder: "Well, if you're waiting
for my usual theory as to what's going on, I don't have it." ---
Mulder: "Yeah, but when and where
would he have had the opportunity to 'slip it to them'?" ---
Mulder: "These women don't look like
the type who do a lot of solo drinking." ---
Mulder: "Have a theory, if you want
to hear it."
Scully: "Van Blundth somehow physically transformed into his captor
then walked out the door leaving no one the wiser?" Mulder: "Scully,
should we be picking out china patterns or what?!?" ---
Scully: "But what are you saying?
That . . . that . . . Van Blundth is an alien?"
Mulder: "Not unless they have trailer parks in space." ---
Mulder: "Hey Scully. If you could
be somebody else for a say who would it be?"
Scully: "Hopefully myself."
Mulder:" That's so . . . boring."
"All right then, Eleanor Roosevelt."
Mulder: (Cringing) "Aiee! Can't be a dead person."
Scully: "Why the hell not?"
Mulder: "Because . . ." ---
Mulder: "Is this you?" (Motioning
to tailed man circus poster)
Eddie: "One and the same! (Starts pulling pants down) Hey, ya wanna
Scully: "No no, no thank you." ---
Mulder: (After Eddie bolts and disappears)
"Pretty spry for an old man, eh?" ---
Blundth: (In bathroom after impersonating
Fred) "Uh, I'll explain later. Just give me a little privacy, okay?
Baboo: "Okay. Sugar-patootie." ---
Mulder: (Opens hatch, desiccated old
man falls out.) "Not so spry. You think the fall killed him?" ---
Mulder: (Enters, sees Scully cutting
with bone saw, covers up his coffee) "So what killed Eddie the Monkey
Amanda: "You know, I thought they
would let me stay so long in the hospital because I had such really
really great insurance. Turns out they're just keeping me because they
think I'm sorta crazy. (Lets out a sorta crazy laugh) They want to make
sure I'm safe around my baby."
"Mulder": "Free cable . . ." ---
Amanda: (Referring to VanBlundth)
"Well, he was no Luke, that's for sure." ---
"Mulder": "That's official FBI business."
Mulder: "I was just here. Where did
I go?" ---
"Mulder": "I think the only thing
here is . . . small potatoes." ---
Skinner: "You spelled Federal Bureau
of Intelligence wrong."
"Mulder": "It's a typo."
Skinner: "Twice." ---
"Mulder": (Looking at name plaque)
"'Fox'? Brother . . ." (Then sits down, puts feet up, falls over) ---
"Mulder": "Good night! This is where
my tax dollars go? Where do I live?" (Looks on badge, then in wallet)
"Mulder": (Looking around) "Where
the hell do I sleep?" ---
("Mulder" plays back the messages
on the answering machine.)
Langly: "Mulder, Langly. You gotta see this! An online associate of
ours who shall remain anonymous has figured out a way to digitize the
Zapruder footage so he can extrapolate a bird's eye view of the Dealy
Plaza at the exact moment of the assassination. And you'll never believe
where the third shot came from!"
Frohike: "Tell him about the cheese steaks!"
Langly: "Oh, yeah, and Frohike, Byers and I are goin' out for cheese
steaks. Are you down with that? Uh, erase this once you hear it."
"Mulder": "Geeks for friends . . ."
"Mulder": (Flashing badge) "FBI. F . . B . . I . ." (notices badge is
upside down and rights it) FBI. You lookin' at me? (Looks around) There
ain't nobody else here, you must be lookin' at me. (Reveals gun) You
want a piece of this? (Draws gun and drops clip on floor. Picks it up,
tries to insert backwards then gets it right. Puts gun back in holster
and straightens himself out) You're a damn good lookin' man." ---
(Fire, soft music in Scully's apartment)
Scully: "Well, I'm seeing a whole new side to you, Mulder."
"Mulder": "Is that a good thing?"
Scully: "I like it." (He pulls in for a kiss . . . and . . . Mulder
breaks in. Scully turns, wide eyed looks from Mulder to "Mulder". Freaks,
bounces away off couch. "Mulder" melds into Van Blundth.) ---
Mulder: "What's with the hat" (baseball
cap that says 'Superstar!')
Van Blundth: "My court appointed therapist makes me wear it. She says
it's meant to bolster my self-esteem."
Mulder: "Does it?"
Van Blundth: "Not really. The other inmates just beat me up and take
it from me, which would be okay except every week she brings me a new
HAT! Plus they keep me on some kind of muscle relaxant so I . . . I
can't make faces the way I used to. Did you tell them to do that? (No
answer) Is uh, is Agent SCULLY here???"
Mulder: "What did you want to talk to me about, Eddie."
Van Blundth: "I just think it's funny. I was born a loser but you're
one by choice."
Mulder: "On what do you base that astute assessment?"
Van Blundth: "Experience. You should live a little. Treat yourself.
God knows I would, if I were you." ---
Scully: "I don't imagine you need
to be told this, Mulder. But you're not a loser."
Mulder: "Yeah, but I'm no Eddie Van Blundth either. Am I?"