QUOTES

(At the funeral after everyone leaves)
Mulder: "I can't wait for the wake." ---

Helm: ". . . it's not a funhouse, it's a tabernacle of terror."
Sheriff: "It's a funhouse." ---

Mulder: "Tell me, have you done much circus work in your life?"
Mr Nut: "And what makes you think I've ever spectated a circus? Much less been enslaved by one?"
Mulder: "I know that many of the citizens here are former circus hands, and I just thought that. . ."
Mr Nut: "You thought that because I am a person of short stature, that the only career I could procure for myself would be one confined to the so-called 'Big Top'. You took one quick look at me, and decided that you could deduce my entire life. Never did it occur to you that a person of my height could have possibly obtained a degree in Hotel Management." Mulder: "I'm sorry. I meant no offense."
Mr Nut: "Well then why should I take offense? Just because it's human nature to make instantaneous judgements of others based solely upon their physical appearances? Well I've done the same thing to you, for example. I've taken in your all - American features, your dour demeanor, your unimaginative necktie design, and concluded that you work for the government; an FBI agent . . . but do you see the tragedy here? I have mistakenly deduced you to a stereotype. A caricature, instead of regarding you as a specific, unique individual."
Mulder: "But I am an FBI agent." (whips out his badge) ---

Block: "How many people do you know that can get out of a straight jacket in under 3 minutes?"
Scully: "Fortunately none . . ." ---

Dr. Blockhead: "Did you know that through the protective Chinese art of Tiea Bu Shan you can train your testicles to draw up into your abdomen?"
Mulder: "Oh, I'm doing that as we speak." ---

Mulder: "I saw him this morning down by the river. He was eating a fish."
Dr Blockhead: "He knows eating between-show snacks will ruin his appetite."
Mulder: "I could be mistaken. Maybe it was another bald-headed jigsaw puzzle tattooed naked guy I saw."
Scully: "Is this man also a body manipulator?"
Dr Blockhead: "No, in the classical sense The Conundrum is a geek."
Mulder: "He eats live animals . . ."
Dr Blockhead: "He eats anything: live animals, dead animals, rocks, light bulbs, corkscrews, battery cables, cranberries . . ."
Scully: "Human flesh?"
Dr Blockhead: "Only The Conundrum can answer that question. But, he doesn't answer questions, he merely poses them. When an audience partakes in The Conundrum's human piranha act, they are left to ask themselves . . . why? But, where are my manners?" (Offers Scully a cricket-filled jar)
Scully: (Takes one) "Thank you." (Eats cricket, smiles at Mulder then walks away. Mulder looks shocked, refuses the crickets) ---

(Scully pulls cricket she "ate" from behind Mulder's ear)
Scully: "It's an old sleight of hand my uncle taught me. He was only an amateur magician but he was still better than those two."
Mulder: "Well I'm going over to the lab to see if they can test the blood on the window against the blood on Dr. Blockhead's nail. (Produces nail from mid-air) "Everybody's uncle's an amateur magician." ---

Mr. Nutt: "I know what you're thinking my friend, but you're grossly mistaken . . . Just because I'm not of so-called average height does not mean I must receive my thrills vicariously. Not all women are attracted to overly tall, lanky men such as yourself. You'd be surprised how many women find my size intriguingly alluring."
Mulder: "You'd be surprised how many men do as well." (Smiles knowingly) ---

(Mulder and Scully are caught digging in Sheriff Hamilton's back yard)
Mulder: "We're exhuming . . . your potato." ---

Mr Nut: "So tell me, Commodore? Why are the weirdos the only ones that pay their rent checks in advance?" ---

Scully: "You know, Mulder. For a while there I was beginning to suspect this case involved something a bit more . . . uhm . . ."
Mulder: "Freakish? You really shouldn't complain about banality, Scully. When your main suspect is the human Blockhead . . ." ---

(After Mulder lands on a bed on nails)
Scully: "Mulder, are you alright?"
Mulder: "It's more comfortable than a futon . . ." ---

Dr. Blockhead: "I don't answer any questions until I talk to my lawyer."
Scully: "Who's your lawyer?"
Dr. Blockhead: "I represent myself." ---

Blockhead: "Can you imagine looking like *him* [Mulder] for the rest of your life?" ---

Sheriff: "Now you're sure it was the twin running around here? Now maybe it was the Fiji Mermaid, he jumped back in the river and swum his way back to Fiji . . ."
Mulder: (To Scully) "Now you know how I feel." ---

Dr Blockhead: ". . . You see, I've seen the future, and the future looks just like him . . . [Mulder in a classic GQ pose] Imagine, going through your whole life looking like that. That's why it's left up to the self-made freaks like me 'n The Conundrum to remind people . . ."
Scully: "Remind them of what?" Dr Blockhead: "Nature abhors normality. It can't go too long without a mutant." ---

Mulder: "What's the matter with your friend?"
Dr. Blockhead: "I don't know what his problem is. Maybe it's the Florida heat?"
Scully: "Hope it's nothing serious."
Conundrum: "Probably something I ate."