X Files Episodes
X Files Episodes

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War of the Coprophages 3 x 12
Episode: War of the Coprophages   Episode Number: 3x12   Tagline: The Truth is Out There  Focus: Cockroaches
Writing: Darin Morgan  Direction: Kim Manners  Original US Airdate: 05 Jan 1996 Nielsen Rating: 10.1
Location: Miller's Grove, Massachussetts Title Explanation : War of the the Dung-Eaters (named like the War of the Worlds). The bugs are dung eaters.  XF Novel Title: Die Bug Die
The agents come to the aid of a town seemingly under attack by killer cockroaches.


Scully: ". . . The very idea of intelligent alien life is not only astronomically impossible, but at it's most basic level downright anti-Darwinian."
Mulder: "Scully . . . what are you wearing?" ---

Sheriff: "What are you doing?"
Mulder: "Just sittin' and thinkin'."
Sheriff: "Sitting and thinking . . . and talking on the phone?"
Mulder: "Yeah."
Sheriff: "To who? Your drug dealer?" ---

Sheriff: "Who was that?"
Mulder: "My drug dealer." ---

Mulder: "It appears that cockroaches are mortally attacking people."
Scully: "I'm not gonna ask if you just said what I think you said because I know it's what you just said." ---

Gas Man: I thought that nowadays you froze the insects to death.
Bug Man: Freeze them? Where's the fun in that? ---

Gas Man: The image of those cockroaches has been permanently imprinted onto my brain. I see them every time I close my eyes.
Frass: Try not to close your eyes.
Gas Man: How am I going to sleep? WHERE am I going to sleep? Certainly not in this place. ---

(After taking a hit on the burning dung)
Stoner: Dude! That's some good crap. ---

Dude: You really ought to, you know? Try it! This stuff takes your mind and just sort of, you know, expands it.
Chick: Yeah, well, something tells me it's more than my mind you guys are interested in expanding. ---

Scully: Was there any evidence of drug use at the crime scene?
Mulder: Uh, well he did have a homemade lab set-up, I'm not sure what he was producing. (Smells, revulses) Awh, man! Smells like a septic tank. ---

Mulder: "I see the correlation, but just because I work for the federal government doesn't mean I'm an expert on cockroaches." ---

Scully: "Who died now?" ---

Scully: "Mulder, you're not thinking about trespassing on government property again, are you? I know you've done it in the past but I don't think this case war . . ."
Mulder: "Too late. I'm already inside."
Scully: ". . . (heavy sigh). . ." ---

(Over phone)
Scully: Did he give you any idea of how to catch them?
Mulder: No, but she did tell me everything else there is to know about insects.
Scully: SHE?? ---

Scully: "Her name is Bambi?" ---

Mulder: "Did you know that the ancient Egyptians worshipped the scarab beetle and possibly erected the pyramids to honor them, which may be giant symbolic dung heaps?"
Scully: "Did you know the inventor of the flush toilet was named Thomas Crapper?" ---

Mulder: ". . . It took forever for me to realize that it was no leaf."
Scully: "A praying matins?"
Mulder: "Yeah, I had a praying mantis epiphany and, as a result, I screamed. Not . . . not a girly scream but the scream of someone being confronted by some before unknown monster that had no right existing on the same planet I inhabited. Did you ever notice how a praying mantis' head resembles an alien's head? The mysteries of the natural world were revealed to me that day but instead of being astounded I was repulsed."
Scully: "Mulder, are you sure it wasn't a girly scream?" ---

Mulder: "Oh that makes perfect sense, Scully, I don't like it at all." ---

Scully: "Mulder, I'm coming up there."
Mulder: "Whatever." ---

Dr. Ibanov: "Anyone who thinks that alien visitation will come not in the form of robots but living beings with big eyes and grey skin, has been brainwashed by too much science-fiction." ---

Scully: "Mulder, this town is insane."
Mulder: "Where are you?"
Scully: "In a convenience store just outside . . . civilization." ---

Mulder: "Crap." ---

Scully: "Smart is sexy. Think of it this way, Mulder. By the time there's another invasion of artificially intelligent dung eating robotic probes from outer space maybe their children will have devised a way to save our planet." ---

Mulder: "Scully, I never thought I'd say this to you but . . . you smell bad." ---

Sheriff: "You two should get some rest. You look pooped."

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